Top Ten New Year's Questions

Wishing you and yours a most happy, healthy and fulfilling 2009!

Rather than getting stuck with the idea of making resolutions for the New Year (and the attendant guilt of not fulfilling them), try, "Makin' a list and checkin' it twice", by asking these questions as 2009 approaches:

1. In what SPECIFIC ways do you plan to make 2009 different than 2008?

2. What "unfinished business" do I really want to complete (not what someone else thinks you should do)?

3. What are my top five accomplishments this year (include both major and minor achievements)?

4. What are the three things that were the most fun and brought the greatest pleasure?

5. What were the most/least enjoyable things I did? Why?

6. Which things presented the greatest difficulties or obstacles? How did I deal with them or rectify the situation?

7. In what concrete way(s) did I make a difference or significant contribution? List them.

8. How will I keep track of my progress- journal, computer tracking, and accountability buddy, coach, etc?

9. Who is the person(s) who has had the greatest impact on my life this past year? Do I foresee the significance of this relationship continuing during 2009? Why or why not?

10. What are the things for which you're grateful (from the mundane to the sublime)?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Back-Up Bonuses

Never underestimate the importance of having back-up plans. Rather than being wedded to specific outcomes, try having one or more additional ideas of how you can meet your needs or objectives if all does not go exactly according to schedule.

What do you do when things don’t work out just the way they were “supposed to”? Do you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again, considering (often, thought about in advance), how a Plan B (or C), might get the job done?

• Spending a great deal of time spent re-hashing what didn’t work rather than giving some additional or different ideas a try?

• Are you often left feeling like a victim? If so, it’s definitely time to think about several options you might reasonably consider, remembering that perfection (in this case, the perfect plan), rarely exists and can be a great excuse for doing nothing!

• Think about instances in which your initial arrangements fell through, but the plan you then instituted turned out to be the better one. Keep a list of these situations and outcomes, as they probably have occurred more frequently than you realized.

• Enlist feedback from trusted friends, family, colleagues, etc. to gather their input and suggestions for things you might change, incorporate, or discard from your initial ideas or concepts.

• Do research- find out how experts and other savvy sources on the subject/problem you’re considering have handled similar situations -list the pros and cons of the advice being given?

• Are you permitting yourself the right to change your mind? Whether mid-way through a chartered course, or even once completed, if it hasn’t worked out the way envisioned, what new approaches can now be considered and instituted?

• What areas of your life may need some re-planning and creative approaches to problem solving?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Misery Loves Too Much Company

A recent study conducted at the University of Missouri-Columbia, indicated that spending an inordinate amount of time dwelling on problems can have serious negative effects, including depression, anxiety and hypertension. Although this study focused on “co-ruminating” (excessive discussion and re-hashing of problems, accentuating negative feelings without taking steps to ameliorate the dilemmas), between girls, the consequences can be deleterious at any age.

If you find yourself or a friend drifting toward a co-ruminating pattern, consider these alternatives:

• The difference between reflection and brooding- airing and analyzing problems (and often finding solutions), can be therapeutic and cathartic, while revisiting issues, ad nauseum, ensures stagnation.

• Create opportunities to be proactive and participate in positive activities-volunteer, take walks, exercise, do crafts, listen to or play music, etc.

• Is technology exacerbating the problem? Unrelenting communication, allowing everyone in a “group” to add their "two-cents worth", and dissecting every thought and utterance can actually lead to further disengagement from problem-solving and accentuate depressed moods.

• Is the communication ultimately more selfish than social? Rather than focusing on resolving the issues, the problem is kept alive, with all the energy and focus directed toward the ruminator(s).

• Adroitly convey the message that it’s time to move on- don’t get sucked in to yet another discussion on the same theme; be prepared to focus on other (upbeat) topics or suggest ideas about things to do together.

• Time to assess the relationship-what, besides constant commiseration, do you have in common? Is the bond enhancing or diminishing, and can the interaction be changed?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Countering Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS)

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS) are automatic largely because they have recurred many times over one's lifetime. Significant emotional experiences during childhood or adolescence intensify these responses, so the likelihood of them disappearing overnight is between slim and none!

ANT elimination therefore requires repeated counter-attacks. Placing them under the "microscope" reveals them to be untrue and counter-productive. Try asking yourself these questions:

*Evidence: What is the objective evidence for this ANT?

*Exaggeration: Is this ANT an exaggeration? Am I over-reacting?

*Am I over-generalizing?

*Alternatives: What are some other possible explanations? How would a scientist or impartial observer explain this?

*Flexibility: Can I evaluate this situation in less rigid terms? Am I thinking in overly rigid, black- or-white, all-or-none terms?

*Helps or harms: Is this belief enhancing or diminishing?

*Comparison: How have others fared in similar situations?

*Changing Places: How would I evaluate other people who acted as I did?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Are You In Love With Your Assumptions?

Convictions, principles, ethical decisions and moral boundaries are
essential to living a life based upon integrity and honesty.
However, it is also important to consider that growth in all areas of
our lives is often based upon being open-minded, willing to consider
new ideas, introspection, and examining biases and cherished
assumptions.

Give yourself permission to re-evaluate some ideas,
beliefs, suppositions, etc. which might be hampering your openness to
different ways of looking at the world?

•Make a list of 10 (or more) things of which you are absolutely
certain. Now ask yourself if there is any way you could have been
mistaken about your conclusions? Have you continued to get the
necessary information/confirmation to validate these cherished
assumptions?

•What are your "sticking points"- those areas that get your dander
up, bog you down and make you resistant to re-thinking and acquiring
in new information?

•If you are so much in love with your assumptions, has it made you
seem rigid and unapproachable to others?

•Have you gotten stuck in focusing on results, not being present (and
able to appreciate) the "process" and the spontaneity that unfolds?

•Are you missing the forest for the trees? – focusing on minutiae
instead of the bigger picture?

•The importance of knowing when to walk away- this is as true for
treasured beliefs as it is situations and relationships that are
detrimental to well-being and self knowledge.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Catalytic Converters

No, this Tip isn't about car engines, but rather about what it takes
to be an innovator, "converting" others to embrace uncharted
visions and setting new trends. Why is it that individuals or
organizations that start off as trail blazers seem to run out of
inspiration, design and creativity after such dazzling beginnings?
Whether at home or at the office, what helps or hinders unique
viewpoints to flourish? In order to nurture and encourage those
qualities, inherent in innovative minds, consider these musings:

• The "curse of knowledge"- experts become insulated, associating
with other authorities in their field, unable to remember a time when
they didn't know what they know, and incapable of effectively
communicating their knowledge to others.

• Core messages are concrete and readily conveyed- to the
uninitiated, the use of jargon, acronyms and an alphabet soup of
letters denoting various titles and labels is off-putting and
confusing.

• What type of "culture" has been established – one that rewards
novel ideas and taking chances, or an oppressive climate that prizes
conformity, compliance and not asking questions?

• Visionaries are rarely motivated by standard goals or pursuing a
life path deemed acceptable for them - they single-mindedly and
passionately persevere in achieving their dreams and are undaunted by
uncertainty.

• Failure often becomes a motivating factor, promoting more
opportunities and out of the box thinking.

• Influencers/Early Adopters/Transformers readily surround themselves
with bright and talented individuals, establishing a team which
further motivates and inspires original and ingenious ideas.

• Strategic planning is a mainstay - long-term thinking rather than
short-term gain is employed in bringing their visions to fruition,
using a variety of networks to gain adherents for their plans.

• Renaissance thinkers are passionate about their ideas, are inner-
directed, and revel in creating new paradigms.

• Risk takers enjoy shaking up the existing order- they are generally
rule breakers by nature.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

A Baker's Dozen For Cultivating Charisma

What are those seemingly ineffable qualities that make some individuals so thoroughly appealing and captivating, always drawing others to them? These skills, aptitudes and capabilities are often part of a life-long learning curve, continually practiced and perfected, as evidenced by the adage that, "leaders are made, not born".

Is it possible to learn to exude an air of self-confidence that enhances winning abilities, traits and personal magic? To increase your personal magnetism, read on:

1. Convey optimism, zeal and excitement, minimizing passivity and negativity, incorporating these traits into clear goals.

2. Concentrate on being a good and interested listener. Focus on really communicating with others rather than being self absorbed and be unafraid to express genuine emotions.

3. Never underestimate the power of eye contact – it's disconcerting, discounting and disrespectful not to look someone in the eye when speaking to them.

4. Read, read, read-be constantly open to new ideas, knowledge and learning. Become an expert in your profession or area of interest.

5. Incorporate a varied, descriptive and powerful vocabulary into your everyday language; practice and enhance your writing skills.

6. Don't have a hand shake like a wet noodle; conversely, don't paralyze someone when shaking their hand!

7. Great posture broadcasts great confidence. Think about the messages your body language conveys. Does it mesh with the image you want to transmit?

8. In all situations, treat people respectfully and as equals- by making others feel special, you set an example about the way you expect to be treated.

9. Never dress like a shlep! Even in non-business situations, cleanliness, care, neatness and style (which does not have to be au courant) are essential.

10. Relish (and share) an appreciation for the ridiculous. Make use of humor whenever humanly possible and always remember to smile and have fun!

11. Eliminate "foot-in-mouth disease"- think before speaking and be cognizant when a brief comment, or no comment at all, may be most sagacious. Appropriately convey understanding, empathy and genuine interest.

12. Learn from great actors, trial lawyers, orators, etc., observing their gestures, tone of voice, timing, conviction, etc. when they communicate with others. An acting class or public speaking group can be invaluable and fun.

13. Bolster the self confidence and allure of others by being a ready resource for those seeking your advice, guidance and expertise.


And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!