Pining for a Perfect Past

Romanticizing others' lives, wishing they were your own, caught up in a Hollywood version of the perfect childhood in the bosom of the perfect family, can get to be a favorite, albeit, unproductive pastime.

Over-glorification and idealization of past experiences and relationships makes it difficult to invest in new ones. What's the pay-off for not having to change (holding on to anger, revenge, reveling in, "Poor me!") and remaining stuck?

Before ambling down "memory lane" again, think about what awaits you at the present moment:

• Jot down how frequently you talk about the past-make a concerted effort to substitute information about present and future activities and plans; elicit help from trusted friends to keep you grounded in the "here and now".

• Spring cleaning (at any time of the year) - rid (or remove from sight), old photos, journals, and other mementos which evoke unpleasant memories-why torture yourself with those ever-present reminders?

• Limit contact and redirect ruminative thoughts on positive ideas, plans and experiences– it's easier and healthier to recuperate from past relationships and experiences when not constantly spending with time those that keep you rooted in the past or expending energy obsessing about them.

• Lighten up and put things in your life in perspective-no humor helps to keep you in the same place. Relish the ridiculous and try an "attitude of gratitude".

• Forgive and forget- this does not mean condoning behavior that was in any way injurious to you, but stop dwelling on it in order to free (and forgive) yourself from anger and hatred.

• Look at your life script - what has been your assigned role since childhood? As an adult you no longer have to play the same part!

• The "blame game"- everyone has to deal with unpleasant circumstances, costly mistakes or situations that may have been beyond their control. The choice now is whether to remain a victim or focus on the present and plan for a brighter future.

• Embrace the bittersweet – although reminiscing can sometimes be painful, it can also be cathartic, especially within the presence of trusted friends, family, or professionals. Savor the good memories, but allow yourself to move on.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!