If You Don't Ask, You'll NEVER Get

Being direct, assertive, and taking the plunge by asking for the things you want needn't be a harrowing task. Over analyzing the odds for success before you let your wishes to be known can cause inaction and paralysis, wasting valuable time and energy on problems that may never arise. This doesn't mean that your every request will be met with a positive outcome, but these suggestions will energize and reward your quest for gettin' the goods (and goodies!):

• Vague notions- the first step is knowing EXACTLY what you want.

• Unambiguous communication-by clearly spelling out your needs, you'll get what you want rather than what others want you to have.

• Fear of rejection- not only is it unimportant what "everyone" else will think (is someone taking out an ad in The New York Times, belittling what you asked for?), but others will rarely view your request as unreasonable.

• Do you view asking as impolite-something that "nice girls don't do"-so who's to blame if you don't get the raise you deserve, don't date the person you're really interested in, etc?

• Ask questions, particularly about those things which will give you the needed information to achieve your goals-you won't be seen as being dumb or pushy, and others will appreciate your interest and curiosity.

• Be audacious-ask for something that is considerably more than you thought possible. Who knows, the request may actually be granted, or you may find it easier to then "settle" for the thing(s) you really desired.

• Exude confidence-convey a positive attitude which assumes that you'll get what you want- humor and charm go a long way and are always great assets to employ.

• For one week, rather than saying what it is that you don't like, want, or have, make a concerted effort (keep a list), to substitute the things that you do want, being specific, asking in a positive manner, and taking responsibility for the requests.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

My Mother's Maxims

In recognition of Mother's Day (in the U.S.) on Sunday, May 11th, and my annual celebration of women's wisdom, I thought it most appropriate to once again commemorate it with this week's Tip.

Of all the things we're told by our mothers, there always seem to be particular axioms that are so imbued with eternal wisdom that they must be passed on.
Think of some of the invaluable sayings, mantras, truisms, etc. told to you by your parents, which have had a positive effect upon your life.


Here are 2 of my mother's:

1."Whenever someone gives you a compliment, just say, "Thank you."
In other words, it's totally unnecessary to deflect the compliment, which:

•Discounts the opinion of the "complimentor"
.
•Doesn't allow you to take advantage of basking in the glow of praise and the wonderful feeling it brings. (It IS deserved because this is the assessment of the beholder!)

•Often stops you from readily complimenting others, as you've negated the positive feelings that being recognized engender.

2."Never point out your faults to someone else, as they're most noticeable ONLY to you!"

•It often sounds disingenuous to be too forthcoming in talking about your faults.

•It is off-putting and often makes others want to run for cover if you "spill your guts" too readily.

•It may give you pause to reassess what you have judged to be a fault.

Here are several contributions from readers who were kind enough to share their mothers' maxims.

Ofra K- My mom always says: "Each person has his/her own pleasures."
Meaning things are always a matter of personal taste and opinion and one should not be too harsh and hurried to make judgments.

Anat G.- "My mom used to tell me: "If you didn't use your brain, you'll have to use your legs" (freely translated from French...), meaning that if you
don't think or get organized, then you now have to run or walk more.
This has been so true! The good thing about it: there is another chance,
but it might take longer and more energy!
I sometime use it differently also, instead of using "electronic' ways
of communicating, I take my legs and go to the person I want to talk
to."

Shirley Z- originally conveyed to her by her late mother in Yiddish:
"As someone wishes you a good morning, you wish them a good day".
In other words, as someone behaves toward you, you reciprocate in kind.

O.K, so now that I've shown you mine, feel free to (share) show (email) me yours. Another possibility is to write down and then re-read those adages that are most important and meaningful for you and re-read them throughout the year.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!