Restructuring Rejection

Restructuring Rejection

We all know that it’s impossible to be loved by everyone, but it still hurts and rankles when we feel criticized, denied, dismissed and ultimately rejected. Instead of feeling worthless, dejected, or that your self-confidence and self-esteem have been sapped, time to restructure rejection and view it from more constructive perspectives:

·Eliminate the idea of being “devastated”-this is an overused word that adds and compounds bruised feelings and should only be used for real tragedies.

·A “No” or denial is not a reflection of your self-worth –time to stop taking things personally and blowing refusals out of proportion.

·There are low points in everyone’s life-look back and evaluate how you coped with rejection in the past. What past experiences, seemingly negative at the time, are now seen as having been beneficial? Keep a list as a reminder.

·Unrealistic expectations-setting the bar too high (and thereby feeling knocked down), before there is mastery of all the steps needed to accomplish the goal(s).

·Underlying or irrational fears- often subconsciously “setting yourself up” to be rebuffed or refused, ensuring that you don’t have to change or alter your patterns of behavior, the way you treat others, or the way in which you view the world.

·Opportunity for reflection- what was learned from the experience and how are you utilizing the advice and opinions received to ameliorate the possibility of repetition?

·Silence the negative and self-censoring dialogue going on in your head- rejection is an inevitable fact of life-time to try using it as a motivator to do a bit of risk- taking and spur you on to do things differently.

·Some situations call for anticipating the possibility of being rebuffed or denied- requesting a promotion, asking someone on a date, etc. – be armed with the necessary information, answers and responses that are likely to be part of the discussion.

·Redefine, rename, and reframe rejection as “feedback” to determine how to benefit from this input.

·Be proactive-seek out a mentor, support group, coach, therapist, or trusted friend to get accurate information about the circumstances which have been daunting for you.

·If you don’t ask, you won’t get- take a deep breath, focus on one task at a time, and be assertive-what, REALISTICALLY, is the worst thing that could happen?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!