Not So Friendly Enemies

The term, "committed relationship", typically conjures up the idea of meaningful connection to a life-long partner. What happens when a vow (conscious or otherwise), has been made to be wedded to an enemy? An inordinate amount of emotional, psychological and physical energy is often devoted to that negative relationship, leaving little time for positive and healthy ones.

Vengeance may be yours, but consider the price paid in terms of increased stress (such as high blood pressure), anxiety, irritability and emotional stagnation:

• Unlike love, enmity isn't necessarily mutual- oftentimes, the perceived evil doer has no knowledge (or may not even care), about the (negative) devotion showered upon him/her; all the time spent planning and plotting their demise can only be for naught.

• Fixated on the past- is it possible the person, or the situation, has changed? Has the current reality been (re)examined?

• Being wary vs. labeling someone a dastardly foe- when feeling wounded or wronged, try limiting contact, be with others who will buffer or protect you when in the nemesis's presence, or, if necessary, take appropriate legal action.

• Consider a professional mediator (therapist, counselor, etc.) – a disinterested third party may prove to be an effective way toward resolving disputes and can mediate clashes as frequently as necessary.

• Forgive and forget- this does not mean condoning behavior that was in any way injurious to you, but to stop dwelling on the hurt in order to free yourself from the twin demons of anger and hatred.

• Living in a black or white world - no longer have to question what did, or might have happened, or any extenuating circumstances other than the long held (and cherished), memory or interpretation of the slight, damage, or injury inflicted by the antagonist.

• Doth you project too much? Are the traits and behaviors perceived in an opponent the same ones that are part of your own repertoire?

• Spillover effect - deeming friends or family members disloyal if they have any contact with the arch enemy only succeeds in causing rancor, tension and acrimonious feelings for all parties.

• "Equal opportunity haters" - have a plethora of adversaries and rarely see what role they may have played in this arena of enmity, leaving no room for insight, responsibility, or remorse.

• Living well IS the best revenge – what can be more productive and satisfying than focusing on all that brings positive things in your life?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!