Rapid Rapport

My "soul sister" and I have often been taken to be "real" sisters, even though we really look nothing like one another. When first asked if we were siblings, we just laughed and couldn't understand why anyone thought we were related. After having been asked this question time and again, we realized that it was the similar gestures, our obvious affinity toward one another, and our shared interests and values that gave this appearance of relatedness.

Rapport is that ineffable "click" that occurs when both parties realize that they are on the same wavelength. Discovering that you have similar ideas, beliefs, values and interests add to a feeling of camaraderie, trust and consonance, establishing the basis for long-lasting relationships.

Here are a few ways to increase your "rapport score":

• Friendliness and smiling-accept no substitutes, as these two are truly worth their weight in the gold, as they emphasize approachability, affability and authenticity.

• Watch your language-don't bog down your conversation with professional jargon, an alphabet soup of abbreviations unfamiliar (and off-putting) to others, or constant reference to individuals who aren't likely to be known.

• Mirroring body language-when in sync with another, there is often an unconscious matching of posture, gesture, eye contact, and movements conveying the message that, "This person is like me!"

• Matching paralanguage-the non-verbal content of language, i.e. laughing, sighing, intonations, hesitations, etc. also promote powerful bonds which strengthen connectedness.

• Humans are pre-disposed to reciprocal behavior- to facilitate a greater sense of affinity, (subtly and tactfully) mimic gestures, vocal tone, language content and body positioning.

• Ask open-ended questions-master the art of posing questions which engender thoughtful, open and honest responses, paving the way to really get to know someone.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!