Quelling the Quick Fix

Our "hyperculture" (the high speed atmosphere of the internet, email, cell phones instant messaging, etc.) has propelled impatience to an art form, further elevating expectations that things be done instantly, if not "yesterday". While there are incredible benefits from technological advances (hard to imagine life without our computers and on the spot communication), the expectations of instant gratification often leads to stress, disappointment and anger when things aren't done immediately or perfectly.

Here are some ways to "savor the moment", rather than aiming to get even the enjoyable things (including your life!), over and done with as quickly as possible:

• Mindfulness-focusing and giving full attention to one thing at a time; not being consumed by future plans and events without really experiencing the present.

• Racing against the clock - scurrying around without noticing, without really interacting - stop and appreciate commonplace occurrences or take time to get to know someone better. What do you believe would actually happen if you slowed down?

• Instantaneous decisions – drawing conclusions before taking the time to gather the necessary information and refusing to veer from that position. What might happen if the decision was reversed after more information was brought to light?

• Fast food fixes – gulping down meals on the run rather than regularly enjoying leisurely repasts is certain to minimize tastiness and maximize digestive problems.

• Information overload – pare down the amount of email, articles and periodicals (sent or subscribed to), to give yourself time to absorb, and understand and remember the material you really need.

• "If this is Tuesday, it must be Paris"- even when on vacation, forgetting to relish the change of pace and scenery; it's unnecessary to be on a deadline to "accomplish" everything while on holiday – just enjoy!

• Irritable and incensed - when waiting for someone or something (traffic or a long super market line), or when interrupted while in the midst of a task, is a temper tantrum the response of choice? Will the speed at which something did (or didn't) occur actually matter in a week, month, or year?

• Perfectionist pitfalls - sometimes, doing things by halves is actually okay; substitute permission for anger when perfectionist ideals aren't met by yourself or others.

• Over committed and under appreciated - too many "irons in the fire" make it difficult to honor commitments. Under-promise before saying "yes" and examine the ramifications of your response; renegotiate or politely decline requests, suggest alternatives, or re-schedule.

• Pacified by sound bytes - news and entertainment that combines a speedy dose of flash, cash and trash. Choose to receive less information that is more in-depth.

• Tenacity triumphs – results aren't always immediate, so it's critical to "keep your eye on the ball", while remembering the importance of taking one step (or day) at a time; practice does make perfect in order to attain the desired goal or outcome.

• Hurry-itis" - living lives filled with manic movement and constant stress; rarely relaxing, yet feeling guilty and agitated when not working on something.

• The 10 minute breather – give yourself an extra 10 minutes to complete tasks rather than engaging in last minute hysteria because you're late or unprepared.

• Ignoring the importance of relationships – is more time, thought and effort put into work rather than family and friendships, rationalizing or trivializing the importance of warm and loving connections, celebrations, holidays and gatherings?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

My Mother's Maxims

In honor of Mother's Day (in the U.S.) on Sunday, May 10th, and in celebration of women's wisdom, I thought it most appropriate to once again share these maternal truisms:

In honor of my mother, still singing and dancing at 91, here's a Youtube video to commemorate her constant joie de vivre: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k&annotation_id=72265&feature=iv<>/span>



Of all the things we're told by our mothers, there always seem to be particular axioms that are so imbued with eternal wisdom that they must be passed on.
Think of some of the invaluable sayings, mantras, truisms, etc. told to you by your mothers, which have had a positive effect upon your life.

Here are 2 of my mother's:

1."Whenever someone gives you a compliment, just say, "Thank you."
In other words, it's totally unnecessary to deflect the compliment, which:

•Discounts the opinion of the "complimentor"
.
•Doesn't allow you to take advantage of basking in the glow of praise and the wonderful feeling it brings. (It IS deserved because this is the assessment of the beholder!)

•Often stops you from readily complimenting others, as you've negated the positive feelings that being recognized engender.

2."Never point out your faults to someone else, as they're most noticeable ONLY to you!"

•It often sounds disingenuous to be too forthcoming in talking about your faults.

•It is off-putting and often makes others want to run for cover if you "spill your guts" too readily.

•It may give you pause to reassess what you have judged to be a fault.

Here are several contributions from readers who were kind enough to share their mothers' maxims.

Ofra K- My mom always says: "Each person has his/her own pleasures."
Meaning things are always a matter of personal taste and opinion and one should not be too harsh and hurried to make judgments.

Anat G.- "My mom used to tell me: "If you didn't use your brain, you'll have to use your legs" (freely translated from French...), meaning that if you
don't think or get organized, then you now have to run or walk more.
This has been so true! The good thing about it: there is another chance,
but it might take longer and more energy!
I sometime use it differently also, instead of using "electronic' ways
of communicating, I take my legs and go to the person I want to talk
to."

Shirley Z- originally conveyed to her by her late mother in Yiddish:
"As someone wishes you a good morning, you wish them a good day".
In other words, as someone behaves toward you, you reciprocate in kind.

O.K, so now that I've shown you mine, feel free to (share) show (email) me yours. Another possibility is to write down and then re-read those adages that are most important and meaningful for you and re-read them throughout the year.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

15 Ways to Swim (Not Sink) in Financial Waters

frugal living,
When the financial going gets tough, the tough start __________________ (saving, hoarding, conserving - insert whatever word you think fits best). This economic downturn has everyone feeling anxious and edgy. In economically tumultuous times, knowing which things you do have control over will help to elicit a realistic picture about your spending habits and those lifestyle changes that can be altered.

I've purposely proposed an incomplete list of possibilities for cutting corners during recessionary periods. Feel free to share your cost-cutting ideas and tips with the rest of us:

• Start cookin' – huge savings and health benefits can be had by not eating out and not throwing out so much food (be creative with "planned-overs"). Get used to brown bagging that lunch, brewing your own coffee, cutting out bottled water, sodas and juices (switch to fresh fruits), minimizing vitamins, supplements, and diet foods (again, up your intake of fresh fruits and vegetables and healthy alternatives).

• Cost-consciousness is cool - whether shopping (when necessary) in discount stores, buying generic and/or in bulk, or clipping coupons (not only from fliers and periodicals, but through a host of online coupon sites), the savings can be quite appreciable; investigate buying used or refurbished whenever possible.

• Downsizing – this may be an opportunity to consider a smaller house, condo, or apartment (cheaper. "greener", less time consuming to maintain, and possibly a shorter commute to work), while giving an incentive to get rid of "stuff"(aided by garage sales, ebay, Craigslist).

• Stay-cations –economical (and possibly less stressful), holiday options. Take advantage of extra time and energy to do the things you always meant to do, all within a short distance from home. Always take advantage of neighborhood parks and activities.

• Ax non-essentials – while at first seemingly difficult, eliminating lessons, memberships, subscriptions, cable, cell phones (which can be re-instated down the road), these "essentials" are often not much missed!

• Cache cash - helps keep you honest by buying only what you really need and can afford, warding off impulse buying and focusing on saving. It ISN'T a bargain if you don't need it!

• Transportation alternatives - Bike, walk or run whenever and wherever possible; coordinate your errands, carpool, use public transport.

• Remember the library – not only to borrow books, DVDs, and use computers, but a great venue for community performances and kids' activities.

• Do-it yourselfers of the world unite! - have someone teach you or do research and learn a new skill: hair cutting, pet grooming, gardening, etc; try trading your expertise with friends or neighbors, rather than hiring someone to do a needed job or repair.

• The beauty of bartering – trade for a variety of goods and services, which can be done on an individual basis or by joining clubs (check out the innumerable online options).

• Abandon the "throwaway" lifestyle - be aware of the disposable things you use and start to replace them with the "Real McCoys", i.e. cloth napkins, re-usable dishes, cups and silverware, etc.

• Better on a budget – have weekly discussions (children included), about "discretionary spending", stressing the importance of sticking to the budget; subscribe to online "frugal living" newsletters and websites; shop online to price compare and save gas as well as time and effort.

• Career switcharoo - time to consider changing your job or profession? Get the info, education, and training needed to pursue another vocation, or a company or business that is more likely to weather economic storms.

• Re-inventing entertainment – organize "pot-luck" dinners or "movable feasts" at several friends' homes, have swap parties (clothes, jewelry, toys, books, etc.), plan interesting themes for "soirees", rent movies and invite a crowd, invent "new" games and rediscover the old favorites with the kids, plan sports activities.

• Going "halfsies" – maximize savings by buying in bulk, dividing the purchase and its cost with friends or family; try sharing memberships, subscriptions, or even big ticket items to minimize expenses.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Quality Vs. Quantity Quandary

Who sold us the bill of goods that "quality time" inevitably trumps the quantity of time spent in nurturing a relationship? Prior to over-scheduled lives, long work hours, endless distractions and commitments, it was a given that significant and meaningful connections between individuals required a great deal of time, energy, caring, concern and togetherness to form lasting bonds.

Obviously, there is a place for special activities, scheduling and plans. The problem is that so many important interactions can become stressful when having to adhere to a pre-planned timetable. The myth about quality time continues to be perpetrated, even though unforeseen circumstances often interrupt or foil the arrangements for those unique experiences; each occasion often loaded with a contrived "specialness" and pressure to enjoy.

Exceptional instances generally occur within the context of quantity- talking, listening, laughing, and loving and being together:

•Having fun and stress-free activities – when people (particularly children) have to figure out activities or plans for themselves, they invariably come up with lots of fun, creative, and unforgettable ideas.

•Good memories – while special times often do generate wonderful reminiscences, the overriding sense of being connected, cherished and cared for ultimately produces memories associated with great feelings.

•Yearning for security and attachment - enjoying physical contact, closeness, and companionship rather than fleeting or programmed interactions in one another's company.

•Savoring the simple- gets away from that rushed pace, effort (and stress), focusing on "being" rather than doing.

•Think of "pre-TV" life (not to mention existence before the host of contemporary electronic devices) – indoor and outdoor sports, art activities, reading aloud, playing games, or just "hanging out" together, rather than scheduling every minute of the day.

•Loss of a sense of intimacy – frequently, a sense of guilt rather than a feeling of mutuality is produced due to the emphasis on formal and distinctive (and often expensive), activities.


•Why not both - both quality and quantity are important in many areas of our lives when relating to both children and adults. Akin to everything else in life, it's balance that counts.


And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

The Magic of Mistakes

"Genius? Nothing! Sticking to it is the genius! ... I've failed my way to success."

-Thomas Edison (It took Edison over 1,000 tries before he invented a light bulb that worked!).

One of the biggest "booboos" in history was Columbus' "discovery" of America, while trying to figure out the quickest route to India. Other legendary "errors" are: penicillin, Teflon, the Frisbee, chocolate chip cookies, Coca cola, and "post-it" notes, naming but a few.

We all begin as experts in trial and error (watch any toddler learning to walk and talk), but quickly learn that mistakes are to be avoided rather than embraced. What might it be like if we were encouraged to cherish our mistakes, investigating and understanding how the world works and how to make things work better, more creatively and differently?

• Mistakes as opportunities - without them, individuals and cultures would wither and die, so treasure them as invaluable guides and learning experiences.

• Why make infallibility the goal? - the need for perfection often stultifies ingenuity, creates anxiety and presents excuses for not finishing or accomplishing the task at hand.

• Change your self-talk - monitor that inner dialog, eliminating the idea of failure (or the labels "stupid" or "incompetent"), for having done something incorrectly. What did you learn from those blunders and how does it motivate you to do things differently?

• Figuring out what does work - inspired trial and error is the sure path for getting to the best solution, eliminating what hasn't worked and steering clear of dead ends.

• Blunders, botches, slip-ups, goofs (and all their cousins), are steps along the way toward better ideas and discoveries – competency is often achieved after many "failures". It's tenacity that ultimately counts!

• Gateways to invention and innovation - a variety of goofs and gaffes often pave the way to that "Aha!" moment, knowing when you've hit upon the right idea or explanation (or provided the inspiration for an entirely new concept or creation).

• Appreciate the learning curve - information isn't just ingested, with immediate knowledge of how to do something. How did you learn to use a computer, play an instrument, attain athletic prowess? Would you have become as knowledgeable and proficient if you did it "right" the first time?

• Develops elephant hide - gives you lots of experience and confidence in warding off the judgments of "naysayers", learning to handle rejection, and the firm belief in your own opinions, innovations and ideas.

• Early warning system - the brain is hardwired to give signals as a reminder to avoid repeating painful mistakes, providing a blueprint for making more informed decisions in the future. What benefits have you derived from past mistakes?
on after life-altering mistakes - whether there was a botched marriage, career path, financial decision or something that had great consequences, the past cannot be changed. Time to assess the flaws or faults in those areas and be mindful (and have a plan), about using the past as a prologue to a better future.

•Gets you going - even when initially headed in the wrong direction, the important thing is that the process has begun. It's fear of failure that paralyzes the possibilities for success.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Over Analysis Equals Paralysis

Although reflection and introspection are necessary components of self knowledge and problem-solving, do you or others that you know fall into the trap of becoming overwhelmed by “overthinking”?

Is the "R" word (rumination), an all consuming and guiding principle of your life?

• Constant ruminating often damages relationships, always needing to be reassured and guaranteeing that the ruminator becomes a "downer" to be with.

• Constant worrying ensures that life is viewed through a distorted lens, associating negative thoughts and feelings when thinking about the past, present and future.

• Engaging in catastrophic thinking generally leads to making poor, unreasoned and deleterious decisions.

• Constantly nurturing pessimistic thoughts and emotions will certainly send you into a negative tailspin of hopelessness and helplessness.

• When you catch yourself in the act of morbid meditation, immediately tell yourself to STOP! Substitute healthy behavior by calling an upbeat friend, taking a walk, doing something fun, etc.

• Repetitive and passive dwelling upon disappointments, difficulties and "disasters" allow these facts of life to assume gigantic, unproductive, and unrealistic proportions.

• Remember, a ruminant is in the cow, sheep, goat family. Next time you start ruminating, visualize these thoughts as the "cud" you keep chewing on. Appreciate how ridiculous this looks, learn to laugh at it, and focus on something positive.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Errands "Lite"

If endless errands seem to be the bane of your existence, it’s time to figure out new and creative approaches to getting them done. Rather than the daily plaint of, "If I only had more time"(no extension of the twenty-four hour day is yet available), be mindful about those duties you readily accomplish and those that are somehow always “on hold”.

Try enacting time and step-saving systems, changing not only the frequency and the way you tackle these necessary duties, but also your attitude toward “errand encroachment”:

• Stockpiling and storing the essentials- depending upon your storage space, have enough basics to last you for at least one month. Investing in an extra cabinet or shelving can truly be worth its weight in gold.

• "Errand Command Center"- establish a central place for lists, things to return, dry cleaning, etc. where it’s easily seen (and remembered) before leaving home.

• Redesign your “errandmobile”- keep a box or basket next to you in the car for reminder notes, letters to mail, pick-ups to be made, etc.

• Geographical juxtapositioning- group together activities in the same general vicinity. A bit of forethought will allow you to knock off those things on your “To Do” list without back-tracking.

• What are friends for?- alternate tasks (making sure it’s always a two-way street), with neighbors, family, or friends, particularly when you live in the same neighborhood. Carpooling or picking up a few items for one another while shopping, saves a great deal of time, money (especially when it keeps you out of the stores), and effort.

• Exercise and errand combo- decide which missions can be accomplished by walking, jogging, or bike riding to them. When driving is essential, park in a central location and “kill two birds with one stone”, completing your task while taking advantage of walking.

• Technological timesavers- use your phone, computer, or any other tech devices whenever possible. Have bills automatically deducted from your checking account, order various products and services online, which also help to lessen your carbon footprint (less driving, manufacturers needing to print fewer catalogs, etc.)

• Simple solutions- rethink things like meal plans so that you don’t have to make extra grocery runs; assigning easily managed jobs to other family members can go a long way in eliminating extra work and errands.

• Time vs. money-figure out the cost/benefit advantages of what you may actually be paying to drive a fair distance to get a bargain; weigh both the financial vs. time savings in making online purchases or using delivery services.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!