Rapid Rapport

My "soul sister" and I have often been taken to be "real" sisters, even though we really look nothing like one another. When first asked if we were siblings, we just laughed and couldn't understand why anyone thought we were related. After having been asked this question time and again, we realized that it was the similar gestures, our obvious affinity toward one another, and our shared interests and values that gave this appearance of relatedness.

Rapport is that ineffable "click" that occurs when both parties realize that they are on the same wavelength. Discovering that you have similar ideas, beliefs, values and interests add to a feeling of camaraderie, trust and consonance, establishing the basis for long-lasting relationships.

Here are a few ways to increase your "rapport score":

• Friendliness and smiling-accept no substitutes, as these two are truly worth their weight in the gold, as they emphasize approachability, affability and authenticity.

• Watch your language-don't bog down your conversation with professional jargon, an alphabet soup of abbreviations unfamiliar (and off-putting) to others, or constant reference to individuals who aren't likely to be known.

• Mirroring body language-when in sync with another, there is often an unconscious matching of posture, gesture, eye contact, and movements conveying the message that, "This person is like me!"

• Matching paralanguage-the non-verbal content of language, i.e. laughing, sighing, intonations, hesitations, etc. also promote powerful bonds which strengthen connectedness.

• Humans are pre-disposed to reciprocal behavior- to facilitate a greater sense of affinity, (subtly and tactfully) mimic gestures, vocal tone, language content and body positioning.

• Ask open-ended questions-master the art of posing questions which engender thoughtful, open and honest responses, paving the way to really get to know someone.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

Arise and Sing

Years ago, I attended a baby shower for my friend Patricia, a very talented soprano. Most of the attendees were either professional opera singers or voice coaches. When asked by another guest if I, too, was a singer, my immediate response was, “Are you kidding? In this group, I wouldn’t even try to hum!”

The thing is, I always loved singing, but never felt my voice good enough for public consumption. Fast forward two decades: I decided to dedicate a song (as a surprise), to my husband for a big birthday bash. The person who gave me the courage to perform was my friend (and musical mentor), Danny Dworsky, a professional musician of incredible talent (and patience). Learning how to breathe properly, phrase the lyrics and get around the high notes made the experience exhilarating and the actual performance a most memorable occasion.

Devotees of singing believe that vocal expression, besides being thoroughly enjoyable, is also therapeutic. Some even compare the impact yoga has had during this decade with the importance which will be given to singing lessons, classes, and groups within the next one. If you’re a frustrated singer, think you’ll now be game?

• Research has found that singing boosts the immune system by increasing levels of cortisol and immunoglobin A (listening to music, although pleasurable, does not have the same effect).

• Don’t discount your solos in the shower or when alone in the car –breaking into song promotes well-being, better health, and reduces pain by releasing endorphins.

• Singing has been associated with lower heart rate, increased lung capacity, higher energy, improved posture, relaxation and enhanced mood- so what if you’re sometimes off key?

• Group singing promotes rapid rapport, whether a duet, choir or songfests, releasing oxytocin (that “feel good”) hormone and promoting emotional bonding.

• Associations with songs harkens memories of great and significant times-revel in them.

• Singing, as opposed to speaking, often conveys emotional messages by the choice of song and its lyrics, vocal power, phrasing, crescendo, etc.

• For an extra bonus, try adding your favorite dance routine to your virtuoso voice performance (who hasn’t seen a Broadway show and imagined being up on that stage?).

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!