Quality Vs. Quantity Quandary

Who sold us the bill of goods that "quality time" inevitably trumps the quantity of time spent in nurturing a relationship? Prior to over-scheduled lives, long work hours, endless distractions and commitments, it was a given that significant and meaningful connections between individuals required a great deal of time, energy, caring, concern and togetherness to form lasting bonds.

Obviously, there is a place for special activities, scheduling and plans. The problem is that so many important interactions can become stressful when having to adhere to a pre-planned timetable. The myth about quality time continues to be perpetrated, even though unforeseen circumstances often interrupt or foil the arrangements for those unique experiences; each occasion often loaded with a contrived "specialness" and pressure to enjoy.

Exceptional instances generally occur within the context of quantity- talking, listening, laughing, and loving and being together:

•Having fun and stress-free activities – when people (particularly children) have to figure out activities or plans for themselves, they invariably come up with lots of fun, creative, and unforgettable ideas.

•Good memories – while special times often do generate wonderful reminiscences, the overriding sense of being connected, cherished and cared for ultimately produces memories associated with great feelings.

•Yearning for security and attachment - enjoying physical contact, closeness, and companionship rather than fleeting or programmed interactions in one another's company.

•Savoring the simple- gets away from that rushed pace, effort (and stress), focusing on "being" rather than doing.

•Think of "pre-TV" life (not to mention existence before the host of contemporary electronic devices) – indoor and outdoor sports, art activities, reading aloud, playing games, or just "hanging out" together, rather than scheduling every minute of the day.

•Loss of a sense of intimacy – frequently, a sense of guilt rather than a feeling of mutuality is produced due to the emphasis on formal and distinctive (and often expensive), activities.


•Why not both - both quality and quantity are important in many areas of our lives when relating to both children and adults. Akin to everything else in life, it's balance that counts.


And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!