Misery Loves Too Much Company

A recent study conducted at the University of Missouri-Columbia, indicated that spending an inordinate amount of time dwelling on problems can have serious negative effects, including depression, anxiety and hypertension. Although this study focused on “co-ruminating” (excessive discussion and re-hashing of problems, accentuating negative feelings without taking steps to ameliorate the dilemmas), between girls, the consequences can be deleterious at any age.

If you find yourself or a friend drifting toward a co-ruminating pattern, consider these alternatives:

• The difference between reflection and brooding- airing and analyzing problems (and often finding solutions), can be therapeutic and cathartic, while revisiting issues, ad nauseum, ensures stagnation.

• Create opportunities to be proactive and participate in positive activities-volunteer, take walks, exercise, do crafts, listen to or play music, etc.

• Is technology exacerbating the problem? Unrelenting communication, allowing everyone in a “group” to add their "two-cents worth", and dissecting every thought and utterance can actually lead to further disengagement from problem-solving and accentuate depressed moods.

• Is the communication ultimately more selfish than social? Rather than focusing on resolving the issues, the problem is kept alive, with all the energy and focus directed toward the ruminator(s).

• Adroitly convey the message that it’s time to move on- don’t get sucked in to yet another discussion on the same theme; be prepared to focus on other (upbeat) topics or suggest ideas about things to do together.

• Time to assess the relationship-what, besides constant commiseration, do you have in common? Is the bond enhancing or diminishing, and can the interaction be changed?

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!