The Perils of Pettiness

Last week, upon answering a knock on the door, I recognized our neighbor, with his walker in tow, asking to have a word with us. He wasn't collecting for a charity (as I initially thought), but needed the approval of a majority of homeowners to get a larger parking space. After hip replacement surgery, additional swivel room was necessary to get out of his car with the walker. One resident, claiming that the handicapped individual (who happened to be on the building's board), was thus getting an unfair advantage, blocked approval. Hence, a majority of owners now needed to sign the petition.

I was struck by the pettiness (and mean spiritedness) of the protester - as if this gentleman had his hip replaced in order to get a better parking spot! However, my dismay inevitably led me to the idea for this week's Tip:

• Choose the reputation and legacy by which you want to be known – one of generosity of spirit or of spite and small-mindedness.

• Don't sweat the small stuff- we all have to deal with piddling annoyances as a fact of life. Keep things in perspective without dwelling upon insignificant (and mistaken?) rebuffs and rebukes.

• Ask this question to determine whether to act upon your annoyance or anger: Will it be important in a week, a month, or a year? If not, let it go!

• Choosing to live in conflict –is the rush of "battle" fueling a need to argue (and win) in an inordinate number of interchanges? Why, and at what price glory?

• Stop rationalizing- is their a belief that others, due to their inadequacies somehow "deserve" to be berated, made to feel insignificant or be scolded and reprimanded for minor infractions?

• Cultivating pettiness cements the need to be hyper-vigilant- constantly on guard against the smallest slight or offense, whether intentional or not.

• What are the underlying and motivating factors? –fear (what exactly are you afraid of?) and low self esteem-there's no time like the present to examine the cost of trivial and narrow minded thinking (trusted friends and professional feedback may be particularly helpful).

• "Do unto others…"- the Golden Rule needs no explanation.

And remember, taking action is the catalyst for change!

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